


What Do You See In Me?

by reallifestruggles



Category: IZONE (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:40:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25233283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reallifestruggles/pseuds/reallifestruggles
Summary: It was tough being Kim Chaewon, but what happens when she finds herself in the company with 11 other girls?
Relationships: Honda Hitomi/Kim Chaewon (IZONE)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	What Do You See In Me?

**Author's Note:**

> I've been meaning to drop something for #SoftestSsambbangDay since it first started, and well, I've finally done it!
> 
> It might be a bit on the sad side, so brace yourself, but other than that, enjoy reading! Hope the feelings don't hit too hard!

Chaewon’s Diary 1/13/19

_ What do you see in me? _

_ I feel like I’m the worst person alive, but everyone seems to think I’m a good person. _

_ So with that, I ask, what do you see in me? _

_ Because whatever it is you see is something invisible to me. _

_ Why, then, can’t I see it? _

_ What am I doing wrong? _

  
  
  


It was tough being Kim Chaewon growing up. As the oldest daughter, her mom had very high expectations for her. She was expected to do well in school, and she did. Sort of.

Elementary and middle school were easy enough, mostly A’s with one or two B’s. HIgh school, however, is where things took a turn. Expectations grew, and she was constantly compared to her older brother, who was the model student between the two. Freshman year was easy, only 1 B and the rest were A’s. Sophomore year, however, was a lot tougher. She was tired of always being compared to her brother. The burden of the pressure grew and grew with each passing day, and eventually, she got tired of it. She lost motivation to do well in school but also became quite insecure because no matter what she did, she would never measure up to the same level that her brother was at. It was tough being Kim Chaewon.

The rest of her high school life was full of sadness, loneliness, and no motivation. The only goal was to make it through the day. Eventually, she graduated with a 4.02 weighted GPA and even got into a decent college. Just not as good as the one her brother got into. And of course, her parents were happy that she made it into college. But they were also disappointed about her not doing as well as her brother. It was tough being Kim Chaewon.

As college began she was as insecure as ever. She had chosen one of the more competitive majors to apply to and as a result, was in a bunch of classes with people who she thought were a lot smarter than her. Losing even more motivation to succeed, her GPA at the end of her first year was 2.6. Her parents didn’t take the news quite well, almost disowning her for the abysmal spring quarter where she got a B and three C-. She was in a rough spot as each criticism, constructive or not, hurt her even more than she was already. It was tough being Kim Chaewon.

In her second year, she found herself hanging out with eleven other girls, all in the same major. There were 3rd years Kwon Eunbi, Miyawaki Sakura, Kang Hyewon and Choi Yena, 2nd years Lee Chaeyeon, Kim Minju, Yabuki Nako, Honda Hitomi and Jo Yuri, and 1st years Ahn Yujin and Jang Wonyoung. The older four would help the younger ones with classwork that they had faced in the two years prior, and the younger ones would be the positive forces and motivation for the crew to keep moving. Eventually, as the year passed, bonds formed, chemistry grew, and relationships were created. 

The first pair to hit it off (almost instantly) were Yena and Yuri. Chaewon personally watched as the two other people who she constantly got mixed up with (she didn’t really know why either) act extremely soft and attached to each other, so it was no surprise to her that those two were the first item made. Yena, being the jokester she was, was constantly messing around with Yuri, while Yuri took that in stride and sometimes even turned it back around on Yena. Yuri, on the other hand, was the only person in their group of twelve to successfully keep Yena on a leash. Their chemistry was so strong that if she didn’t know better, Chaewon would’ve thought that they’d known each other since they were in diapers.

A couple of weeks down the line, the next couple revealed itself when Nako and Wonyoung appeared one day hand in hand. Nako, despite being closer to the likes of Sakura and Hitomi, confided in Chaewon when it came to her feelings for the younger. Every day it would be “Why can’t she look at me the way she looks at Yujin? Why does she look so pretty all the damn time? Why does she have to do these things to my heart?” until one day Chaewon just told her, “I’m 95% sure she feels the same way you do, so just confess already and stop waiting!” She was always observant of their group, including when the youngest would go all heart eyes at any action the shortest would do. And badabing badaboom, they’re a thing.

A month later saw the rise of another couple. And if Chaewon thought Yuri and Yena were soft, she had a whole other thing coming with Eunbi and Hyewon. Hyewon by nature was a very clingy person, usually found cuddling or hugging another person. Chaewon was on the receiving end of said cuddles and hugs a couple of times. Her cousin Eunbi, on the other hand, was a bit more, as some would call it, a tsundere. Her exterior is usually very cold and she’s usually a bit tough to crack. But whenever she was with Hyewon all walls were demolished. Chaewon got to see a new disgustingly cute side to her cousin, and to say she was weirded out would be a bit of an understatement.

A week or two later saw the dawn of Minju and Yujin’s relationship. Minju was probably the closest thing to a best friend Chaewon had in the group. They always hung out with each other during downtime, and Chaewon was usually Minju’s go-to person if she needed to get something off her mind. That something was usually about a certain freshman. While many find the younger to be loud, obnoxious, and borderline crazy, Minju just found it all loveable and cute ([rolls eyes] only Minju could be capable of liking someone like that - Chaewon’s internal thoughts). Yujin, however, was a lot more on the dense side. Whenever Minju tried to “flirt” with her (meaning cringe-worthy pickup lines), she’d usually respond with “You’re weird”, “You’re so funny”, or something that didn’t acknowledge the attempts, much to Minju’s chagrin. So one-day Chaewon decided to go up to her to talk. Turns out, Yujin solely thought it was just a friendly joke when in actuality, she was the sole target of the poor attempts at flirting. And that’s when feelings developed. And what better way for Yujin to ask Minju out than with yet another cringe-worthy pickup line? (It’s almost as if they were meant for each other, with the amount of cringe they exuded on the other ten).

And only one day later was the fifth couple revealed, albeit by accident when Chaewon accidentally walked in on Chaeyeon and Sakura kissing when the twelve were about to meet up for a study hangout. Upon seeing the two, Chaewon got to thinking. Chaeyeon was a very hardworking person. She spent a lot of time focusing on what she had her goals on, oftentimes backing out of hangouts to study for classes or work on projects, whether it be for school or on the side. Sakura on the other hand was a lot more laid back. She usually spent more time playing games rather than focusing on studies and was usually at the forefront of the shenanigans that went down at their hangouts. It was pretty mind-boggling that the two got together, considering their personalities were polar opposites. But watching the two interact showed that they had some amazing chemistry together. Chaeyeon would always remind Sakura to do her assigned work, and Sakura would always get Chaeyeon to let loose every once in a while. They helped each other grow into better people, and that was beautiful to Chaewon.

And then there was one.

Honda Hitomi. She was a unique one. She was as hardworking and headstrong as Chaeyeon, but at the same time knew how to have as much fun as Sakura. She knew about as much as the 3rd years but still remained as happy and stress-free as the 1st years. She was the group’s happy pill, knowing when and how she needed to cheer everyone up. When Wonyoung and Yujin had a mental breakdown feeling overwhelmed from experiencing the workload of college, she was the one who talked them out of it and helped them build their confidence back up. While Nako confided in Chaewon about her supposed unreturned feelings, Wonyoung did the same with Hitomi. Even Chaewon got to experience the wonder that is Honda Hitomi. 

It was one of those days where she just wasn’t feeling it. She stayed a ways away from the rest of her friends as she sat in the corner of the room, deep in thought. Thoughts from the past were rising and it made her feel miserable. And well, she didn’t want to ruin what looked like the other eleven girls having a good time, so she stayed away. She was so focused on her thoughts she didn’t notice someone coming up to her side. In fact, she didn’t even notice when someone was calling her name, trying to get her attention. It took a light shake of the body for her to stop her from staring at the middle of nowhere and realize who was next to her.

“Chaewon are you okay?”

“Hitomi? Why are you here, shouldn’t you be over there with the rest of the girls having fun?”

“It’s not the same without you though. Plus, they all have their girlfriends to keep them company while the two of us are the only single people, so I thought it’d be a good idea for us to stick together.”

“Oh.”

“You okay? You look like something’s troubling you.”

“Yeah I’m fine.”

“So why don’t you join in the fun?”

“Well…”

“Well?”

“I’m just not feeling like it today.”

“And why’s that? You know you can trust me, right?”

“It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time.”

“But I don’t want to just put all this on you. It’s something I’ve been dealing with for years. It’s my battle and I don’t want it to involve anyone else.”

“Why though? I can tell it’s been a real burden on you”

“Because every time I’ve done that in the past, everyone just leaves. If that’s life telling me I need to do this alone then so be it.”

“What if I told you I promise to never leave? What if I promised to stay by your side?”

“Why would you do that though? I don’t want to burden you with myself. I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking me if I’m the one promising to do it. Just trust me, okay?”

“Okay…”

And with that, Chaewon revealed pretty much her whole life story to Hitomi, who sat and listened, not showing any signs of her attention being skewed as if Chaewon was the only person in the world. Upon hearing the story, Hitomi took Chaewon by the hand and led her to a different room, where they could be alone. Upon reaching their destination, Hitomi wordlessly engulfed the other in a warm embrace.

“It’s okay to cry Chaewon. You’ve been so strong, but it’s okay to be weak sometimes. I’ll be here no matter what.”

And upon hearing those words, Chaewon began to shed some tears. Some became more and eventually, she was sobbing violently. Hitomi’s heart broke at the sound as she rubbed a comforting hand up and down her back, ensuring that she was there for Chaewon. About ten minutes later, the sobs died down and Chaewon had run out of tears to cry. Feeling Chaewon’s breath stabilize, Hitomi took her by the shoulders and looked at her, saying:

“Your story is safe with me, and just know that you can talk to me whenever you’re feeling bad, okay?”

Chaewon wordlessly nodded as Hitomi pulled her into another embrace. After Chaewon regained enough energy, the two made their way back to the rest of the group, with Hitomi shooting a glare at the other ten girls to make sure they didn’t question anything about why they left or about Chaewon’s red eyes. Yuri and Minju instantly slapped a hand over their girlfriends’ mouths, while everyone else nodded in acknowledgment and understanding.

A month later, Chaewon found herself talking to Hitomi more and more, whether it be about school, future plans, or past issues (alone of course). The two had good chemistry growing and everyone could see it. On a good day, she was usually teasing Hitomi, which was usually reciprocated, and on a bad day, they could be found in their safe space in the form of the room Hitomi took her to when she first opened up. The more they talked, the easier it was for her to open up to her. Hitomi listened and never judged. She was always there to help pick up the pieces whenever Chaewon broke, and Chaewon appreciated her presence more and more.

One day, while Chaewon was having fun talking and hanging out with the rest of the group, Hitomi came up to her and asked her to come with her to their safe space, which was odd given how they were normally only ever there when Chaewon needed to break down or get something off her mind. She shot a confused look at Minju both to see if she knew what was happening and to see if she’d let her go, to which she got a wink and one word:  _ Go _ .

Chaewon and Hitomi made their way to their safe space and sat in their usual spots. After a minute of comfortable silence, Chaewon spoke:

“Hitoma? Are you okay? Something on your mind?”

**_Sigh_ ** “There’s no easy way to do this, so I may as well say it. I like you Chaewonnie. More than just a friend.”

At hearing these words, Chaewon instantly felt a tsunami of insecurities flood her system. The look on her face went from worry for Hitomi to borderline panic at the idea of actually being liked by someone. Seeing the change, Hitomi instantly took Chaewon’s hand into her own, soothing her. As the panic died, the insecurity rose, and Chaewon took the silence as a chance to voice her concerns, as she recited straight from that diary entry she wrote on that fateful day.

“Why? What do you see in me? I feel like I’m the worst person alive, but everyone, especially you, seems to think I’m a good person. So with that, I ask, what do you see in me? Because whatever it is you see is something invisible to me. Why, then, can’t I see it? What am I doing wrong? What have I done to deserve your love and care?”

_ Why do you like me, when you can literally have anyone else?  _ The unspoken question that they both knew was being asked lingered in the air. Hitomi responded by caressing Chaewon’s cheek, saying:

“Chaewon, you  **are** a good person. You care for everyone around you. You know when to leave a conversation to keep everyone in a good mood. You are a great friend. You’re beautiful in all senses of the word. On the outside, you shine like an angel. Maybe that’s just how I see you, but I don’t think there’s anyone who would disagree with me when I say that you’re very pretty. On the inside, you have such a kind heart. You can see when anyone is in need of someone to talk to, and you become that person and talk to them. The negatives in your life are so much easier to notice since it takes a direct toll on you, but you have so much positive to you Chae, and I think you just need to see that. You care so much about everyone else, don’t you think it’s about time you let other people take care of you? It doesn’t have to be everyone, but for now, will you at least let me take care of you? Let me help you rebuild and pick yourself back up?”

Chaewon solemnly looked towards the ground, still feeling ashamed of herself.

“What if I don’t meet your expectations? What if we put a label on this and I just become a disappointment in your eyes?”

“You’ve already surpassed all of my expectations. You mean so much to me Chaewon, and I truly mean it. You’re so special to me, you could never disappoint. Okay? Trust me?”

Hitomi put out a hand as she asked the last question. Chaewon in response nodded in affirmation and took her hand with a small smile on her face. It’s not a big one, but it was genuine, and that meant more to Hitomi than any of the big, but meaningless smiles she wore. Hitomi scooted over to Chaewon’s side and leaned her head on the other’s shoulder, wrapping her arms around Chaewon’s waist, and the two sat in comfortable silence. This day marked the beginning of something completely new to Chaewon’s life. Maybe it might not be that tough being Kim Chaewon anymore.

  
  
  


**_Five years later_ **

  
  
  


Honda Hitomi made a big impact on Chaewon’s life from the moment she made herself known. Her warmth was something she was missing for most, if not all of her life before they met. She was so easily trusted that she got her to break down her walls in front of her, something she needed for a long time. They finished college together and went on to get well-paying jobs in the same field. They saved up to buy a house together and the two girlfriends were happy. The two were about to head out on a date, dressed up all nice and fancy to fit the bill of the restaurant they were headed to. Chaewon stood at the door, staring off to the middle of nowhere, deep in thought, reflecting on how they managed to get where they were.

“You okay babe?” Hitomi asked with a slightly concerned look.

Chaewon gave her a reassuring look as she replied: “I’m fine.”

She reached into her purse as she put her hand around the velvet box hidden inside and thought to herself:  _ I’m more than fine, actually. _

-fin-


End file.
